PB2K: Uses 3301-3400

Uses 3301-3400

Smear it on your computer screen so you don't have to read all these stupid uses.
Vacuum it. Try to get the repairman to replace the HEPA filter.
Create a video game where the main character must go around the enchanted forest and slay all the evil PBeings.
Cover up the embarrassing brand names on your cheap cymbals and write Zildjian, Paiste, or Sabian in the PB (stops the extra long decay too).
Build a city out of it and make a video of "Dogzilla" destroying Tokyo.
Put it in a paper bag and set it on fire on someone's doorstep.
Use it on your roof to prevent ice dams in the winter.
Write edible sheet music.
When you're in jail for smearing PB on people's cars, coat the walls of your cell with it and write a manifesto.
Sneak up to people's houses in the night and lock them in by applying 3 feet of PB to every window, door and chimney on the house.
Keep the edges of your car from rusting in the winter by applying a healthy coating to it. Hey, the car gets so covered with salt that no one will notice anyway, at least in Minnesota.
Make a PB sandwich. Put one raisin in it. Feed it to your date. Afterwards tell him/her that there was a bug in it. See what happens.
PB tea bags for that instant hot drink.
Use it to bomb the Barney studio during live taping.
Plug your nose with it to keep that stinging pool water out when you're swimming.
Analyze the peanut DNA of various types of peanut butter.
Shark repellant.
Offer some to the next alien you meet.
Tell your little brother that, in exchange for his peanut butter sandwich, you'll give him the first $5 that you find floating down the river on a millstone.
Send it to an obscure Canadian music group.
Save the rainforests. Preserve them in a jar of peanut butter.
Claim it on your taxes.
Experiment with the dehumidifier...
Ask a senior citizen if peanut butter was around when they were young.
Conduct a telephone survey on the ethics of today's peanut butter.
Perform Shakespeare with it. Hamlet has a much different effect when he's consulting a jar of peanut butter instead of a skull.
Stock up on cases of peanut butter at once. When the grocery store clerks look at you oddly, look at them paranoically, lean over to them, and say "It's for when *they* come. Don't you know? They're coming, they're coming any time now..."
Spread it on your favorite person, pin their ears back, and eat 'em like a cookie.
See if you can make it go down steps like a slinky.
James and the Giant Peanut Butter.
Peanut Butter Goes to Hollywood. Frankie gets a girlfriend and decides to stay in Duluth, after all.
"How much is that peanut butter in the window?"
Talk about it in German (erdnussbutter ist gut--ich will erdnussbutter essen...)
On a job application: Do you have any physical conditions that would prohibit you from lifting up to 50 lbs of peanut butter?
Coat your dad's extremely boring C.D's with it.
Use it to seal the joints on the space shuttle booster rockets.
Use crunchy PB for textured ceilings.
Fashion PB into the shape of a gun. Place in in your carry-on luggage. Laugh hysterically and wait for a strip search while attempting to pass through airport security.
Use it to seal envelopes instead of licking them.
Mix it with cement to make smelly roads.
Spread on the pages of your newest literary masterpiece to make it look old.
Actually, there used to be a person known as a "book soiler" that would go from hose to house, taking new books, and making them look used so that the person would appear to be educate and well-read. Seems to me that peanut butter would be an ideal item in your toolkit for this job.
Feed to cows to make them produce peanut butter flavoured milk.
Use it to write messages on the underside of jetliners. Write big so that people can see it from the ground.
Breed an abnormally large homing pigeon. Strap a jar of peanut butter to it's leg, and send it off to fn your uncle in Spain, because they don't have very good peanut butter in Spain, and your uncle misses the peanut butter.
If you don't have any friends because you drowned them all in peanut butter, well, then, maybe you don't deserve to have any friends.
Coat half a Pop-Tart with it, leave it in your locker all year, see what life has formed by the end of the year. ("It's sad, but the guy I share a locker with and I are actually doing this. We also regularly "water" it with a little bit of whatever we're drinking at the time. Oh, I promised him I'd kill it if it started to crawl away, and he got upset." --RelishGargler)
Go to Sears. They have AOL CDs just sitting there. Take at least 20 CDs and smear them with PB. Go to the parking lot and play frisbee with your friends. Leave them on whatever cars they land on.
Replace the dip with peanut butter at your posh mother-in-law's soiree.
It's a great deterrent for people who want to invade your office at work... stick a bit on the floor, and then you hear them squelch into the office. Or, use industrial strength, then you can trap them.
Stick things to your fridge with peanut butter instead of magnets.
If you fill up the space under your bed with peanut butter, then there won't be room for any monsters... right?
Have your food production class take a pop quiz on peanut butter. Make it a 300 point test.
Form peanut butter into a round disc. Make it look like a cd. Fire it in a kiln to harden it. Try and burn music onto it in your CD burner.
Form Peanut butter-oholics Annonymous.
Teach it to recite Shakespeare's plays.
Name it Fred. Put it on a leash and run around the block yelling, "Heel, Fred! Heel!"
Punch the peanut butter instead of punching the clock.
Make a glob of peanut butter be your legal signature. (Just be careful about eating sandwiches in your lawyer's office...)
See if Peanut Butter Cheesecake exhibits the same food/anti-food rection as Chocolate Cheesecake.
Mark off days on your calendar with it.
Clean your fireplace by rolling a large glob of peanut butter around in it to pick up the ashes.
It's fairly well documented that our latest "Leader of the free world" is quite fond of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. An unscrupulous person could use this to their advantage...
Gore in 2004 would be easy: just distract Bush during the debates with a double-decker peanut butter sandwich.
The Butterfly ballot ain't got NOTHIN' on the Peanutbutterfly ballot!
Well, they have butterflies, why not peanutbutterflies?
Discover a new breed of moth. Call it a peanutbutterfly.
Fly planes into it.
Control terrorists in flight by throwing the switch, and filling the whole plane with peanut butter!
Right now, they test guns by firing them into a huge tank of water. Seems to me they could save a lot of space and worries about leaks by using a tank of peanut butter, instead.
Kids won't be quiet? Summon the floating head of Peanut Butter. (Apologies to Doug Larson...)
Go Googlewhacking with "peanut butter" as one of your search terms. (Good luck--this page right here makes that a stiff challenge!)
Buy the biggest jar you can--10 or 20 kilos if you can manage. Sneak it onto the top floor of the C.N. Tower in toronto (over a kilometer up) and toss it as far as you can. The crater and mess should be spectacular, but don't hang around to give interviews with the media...
Cover your surfboard with it as "shark repellant."
Make a bet with some guy named "Bush" that you can come up with a use for peanut butter involving squirrels that isn't on the list already. Be prepared to pay your peanut butter, though.
Feed radioactive peanut butter to alligators. Release on the set of Teletubies.
Use it to better insulate your earmuffs.
Rub it on your skin and complain loudly of leprosy.
Write Crayola and argue that there should be a peanut butter crayon that looks and tastes like peanut butter.
One word: taxidermy.
Spread some on your homework and feed it to the dog.
Grease the inside of a PVC pipe. Fill the PVC pipe with a peanut butter+water mixture. Put it in a freezer to freeze.(Or put it outside if it's winter.) Take it out of the pipe the next day and you have a long, cold peanut butter stick.
Give a jar of it to your secret crush as a symbol of your love for them.
Dip your french fries in it.
If you work in a fast-food restaurant, steal the food out of unsuspecting customers' drive-thru bags and replace it with peanut butter.
Write a song about it and become a world-famous musician. (Note that these will likely be two separate enterprises.... --Andy)
Roll it in little balls, freeze it, and string it on a piece of thread to start the latest trend: Peanut Butter Jewelry!
Put large globs of it on the floor of a crowded hallway, and watch the fun begin.
Give it to your teacher in place of a major assignment such as a term paper.
Dye it weird colors like green and purple. Hey, it worked for Heinz Tomato Ketchup...
Mix it with mustard and have a contest to see who can eat the most.
Put a leash on it, name it "Fluffy" and take it for a walk.
Take it to your prom if you don't have a date.
Bring it to school and eat it for lunch - right out of the jar. Sandwiches are boring.
Spread it all over yourself and walk around in a crowded place in order to protest some horrible injustice.
Create your own comic book about a superhero made entirely out of peanut butter.
Singing Just a spoonful of peanut butter makes the hiccups go away, the hiccups go away, the hiccups go away....!
If you're over 40, and you have to have a "company mandated" physical (which, for guys, includes a prostate exam) smear PB down your backside. Be sure to cram it WAY up there for full effect. Then, snap a polaroid of the doc as he does his thing.
How 'bout a peanutbutter pot pie?
Use it to keep the neighbor kids off of your front step by spreading it all over. That way they can't talk you into buying candy from them...

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