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Uses 1101-1200
  1. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Mix with Borg technology; watch it assimilate everything.
  2. Creamy PB -- Harmless We all know that Diet Coke floats and regular Coke sinks. (Or is it the other way around?) Devise a similar experiment with creamy and chunky.
  3. Creamy PB -- Harmless Mix with applesauce in the blender so that grandpa can enjoy peanut butter on apples, too.
  4. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Spread it on the sidewalk. Pay neighbor kids to shovel it.
  5. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Make kitty-litter cake with it.
  6. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Parents ponder purchasing peanut butter perchance poverty, petty purloining, pestilence and puerile procreation partake the populace.
  7. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Put up peanut butter at Christmas instead of lights.
  8. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Put a thick layer on pipes and outdoor spigots to keep them from freezing.
  9. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Gas line anti-freeze.
  10. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Sand it.
  11. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Rout it.
  12. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Hammer it.
  13. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Cut it with your bandsaw.
  14. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Solder it.
  15. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Paint the house with it.
  16. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Have a Peanut Butter Yule Log.
  17. Creamy PB -- Harmless Frost cakes with it.
  18. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Use it instead of chalk when performing on the uneven parallel bars.
  19. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Mix it with vodka to create PB shots.
  20. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Mix chunky with peach schnapps and orange juice to create a Fuzzy Navel Outie; If you have an innie, fill in your navel with peanut butter, call it a Fuzzy Adam or a Fuzzy Eve.
  21. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Codpiece.
  22. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Pad your bra with it. (Especially effective if you're a guy.)
  23. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Put some on your face when skiing to prevent windburn.
  24. Chunky PB -- Be Careful PB Bookmarks. (NIMBY)
  25. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Send it to a starving NBA player.
  26. Grape Jam -- Cool The official food of the NHL. (No teeth, no problem!)
  27. Creamy PB -- Harmless Forget gingerbread houses at holiday time. Build PB mansions!
  28. Creamy PB -- Harmless The secret ingredient in Mom's Killer Fruitcake.
  29. Creamy PB -- Harmless Paint horses' tongues with it if they get sick.
  30. Grape Jam -- Cool Peanut Butter definitely needs its own Saturday morning cartoon.
  31. Grape Jam -- Cool Peanut Butter: The Movie. Coming soon to theatres near you.
  32. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Have your college Econ class read books about "Successfully Managing Your Peanut Butter".
  33. Creamy PB -- Harmless Visit the Peanut Butter Traders page and put up descriptions of the PB you have to trade with other collectors.
  34. Grape Jam -- Cool There aren't nearly enough PB Beanie Babies. It's not enough to have the Gif the Peanut Butter. Now you also need Skippy the Creamy Peanut Butter and Nut the Crunchy Peanut Butter and Herman the Old Fashioned Peanut Butter. Jenny the Grape Jelly wouldn't hurt, too.
  35. Creamy PB -- Harmless "Somebody sure must think we're special."

    "Why's that?"

    "Because we've got Premium Peanut Butter."

    "Oh, yeah."

    "Somebody sure must think we're special."

    "It's our mommy."

  36. Creamy PB -- Harmless If you're in a choir and forget the words, just lipsync "peanutbutter" continuously and nobody will know the difference.
  37. Creamy PB -- Harmless There's a fortune to be made in thematic PB Mah Jong tiles.
  38. Creamy PB -- Harmless Bored with ice hockey and field hockey? Try Peanut Butter Hockey!
  39. Super Chunky PB -- Don't Do It! "Mommy, mommy! I can't breathe through my nose!"

    "Shut up or I'll stuff your mouth with peanut butter, too."

  40. Chunky PB -- Be Careful At your flea circus, have an act where a flea eats a flea-sized peanut butter sandwich with nothing to drink.
  41. Grape Jam -- Cool At a real circus, sell jars of peanut butter for outrageous prices so people can feed the elephants. Train the elephants to sneak up behind people and steal the jars and bring them back to the booth to be resold.
  42. Creamy PB -- Harmless I've heard that a good way to stay awake late at night if you have to study is to eat peanut butter and coffee grounds sandwiches. (Um, I can confirm that... --Andy)
  43. Creamy PB -- Harmless Have we mentioned Peanut Butter sauerkraut?
  44. Creamy PB -- Harmless Strap jars of PB to strategic parts of your body, under your clothes, to make certain parts of your anatomy look larger. Be creative. Extra points if you actually convince anyone you were born with six limbs.
  45. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Instantly turn your regular glasses into sunglasses with just a quick dab of peanut butter on each lens.
  46. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Pad brick walls with it so you can kick them with less pain.
  47. Super Chunky PB -- Don't Do It! Put a full jar of peanut butter in the microwave; set it for the maximum amount of time at maximum power. Leave the house.
  48. Creamy PB -- Harmless Hide some spare peanut butter under the floorboards in your attic just in case of emergency. Tell your grandchildren there's secret treasure hidden somewhere on your property.
  49. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal There are now six vowels: a, e, i, o, u, and peanut butter.
  50. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Your peanut butter or mine?
  51. Super Chunky PB -- Don't Do It! Experiment with a tank of oxygen and a blender to see if you can get breathable peanut butter.
  52. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Who ya gonna call? PEANUT BUTTER!
  53. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Do a write-in vote for Skippy, with his running mate, Jiffy.
  54. Creamy PB -- Harmless Fried Green Tomatoes with Peanut Butter on the side.
  55. Grape Jam -- Cool Give an extra-thick PB sandwich to Arnold Schwarznegger. See if his vocal quality changes.
  56. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Spray it over your fields, under the theory that it will suffocate any pests.
  57. Creamy PB -- Harmless Export it to Europe. Lord knows I could have used some while I was over there.
  58. Creamy PB -- Harmless Hollow out a book and keep a supply of peanut butter in it.
  59. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Memorize peanut butter labels. Go about quoting "The Gospel according to Skippy."
  60. Creamy PB -- Harmless Market Captain Hook peanut butter. Insist that it be placed next to the Peter Pan brand on the shelves.
  61. Creamy PB -- Harmless Market Crocodile peanut butter. Enclose a ticking clock. Insist that it be placed next to the Captain Hook brand on the shelves.
  62. Creamy PB -- Harmless Put alternate layers of PB and butterscotch pudding in a jar. Market it as "Tiger Spread."
  63. Creamy PB -- Harmless Johnny: Hey, what do you get if you cross an elephant and a peanut butter sandwich?

    Tommy: I don't know. What?

    Johnny: You get an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth!

  64. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Hold retainers in place.
  65. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Let your kitten play with it...
  66. Creamy PB -- Harmless Leave it out and grow mold cultures for science class.
  67. Take some PB along while you work on rewriting your term paper.
  68. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal In Anglo-Saxon times, Peanut Butter was considered a magical, mysterious substance that either witches used, or mighty warriors ate before they slew dragons...
  69. Creamy PB -- Harmless (PB + X) - (y + X)
    Solve for Peanut Butter.
  70. Creamy PB -- Harmless Do we have Mr. Peanut Butter Head yet?
  71. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Power Rangers got you down? Try Power Peanut Butter Rangers!
  72. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Bubble, bubble, Peanut Butter and trouble... From the little known first draft of MacBeth.
  73. Super Chunky PB -- Don't Do It! Cult of the Peanut Butter...
  74. Creamy PB -- Harmless Newest health food: Peanut Margarine...
  75. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Cover your enemy in Peanut Butter, chunks of bread, and a slathering of jelly. Turn him loose to a pack of wild second graders...
  76. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Famous plays:
    Peanut Butter and the Man
    Desire under the Peanut Butter
    MacPeanut Butter
    Much Ado about Peanut Butter
  77. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Be a good parent: Name your kids after brands of Peanut Butter. Works especially well with off brands.
  78. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal "Okay, everybody know what to do?"
    "Yes, sir."
    "Alright. Synchronize your peanut butter."
  79. Creamy PB -- Harmless Take out your frustrations on peanut butter. It feels nothing, so you can hit it and hit it and...
  80. Creamy PB -- Harmless Give me freedom or give me peanut butter!
  81. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Maniacal laughter is so much more effective with a little peanut butter stuck to the vocal cords.
  82. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Smear on sibling's homework.
  83. Creamy PB -- Harmless Write a witty, humorous, mostly absurd and rediculous History of Peanut Butter. Market it as a text book.
  84. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal We already know that matter is a structured form of energy. Some have hypothesized that maybe time is a structured form of space. What they don't know is that both are really just a structured form of peanut butter...
  85. Creamy PB -- Harmless Instead of advertising milk, the United Dairy Farmers should advertise peanut butter, and then demand for milk would increase automatically!
  86. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Hey, how come Kraft doesn't make "Peanut Butter and Macaroni"?
  87. Creamy PB -- Harmless "There's a hole in the peanut butter jar, dear Liza, dear Liza, there's a hole in the peanut butter jar, dear Liza, a hole."

    "Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, ..."

  88. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Drown your kid brother's Furbie in peanut butter when it gets too annoying.
  89. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Mix peanut butter with mutagen ooze and feed it to any small animal you can find.
  90. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal 42 is a silly answer. I think Peanut Butter is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. I'm still not sure about the question...
  91. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal "Pardon me, sir, but do you have any Grey Peanut Butter?"

    "But of course."

  92. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Nobody will guess that your computer password is really "Pnut-B8er".
  93. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Put a lump of peanut butter on your tongue. Smile all day. People will know you're crazy.
  94. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Forget about the lump of peanut butter and just smile all day. This is especially effective in New York City.
  95. Grape Jam -- Cool Always sign your name as "Peanut Butter". If anybody questions you, say "No, that doesn't say peanut butter. You're not reading it right. See, there's the [First letter of your name here]..."
  96. Super Chunky PB -- Don't Do It! Toasted toes taste terriffic with peanut butter.
  97. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal Be original. Use Beanut Putter instead.
  98. Chunky PB -- Be Careful Snake bait.
  99. Creamy PB -- Harmless The catapult is obsolete. The steam engine has been outdone. Atari 2600 is no longer current. But peanut butter will always be new.
  100. Blueberry Jam -- Surreal "It's just a flesh wound."
    "A flesh wound? Your peanut butter's off!"

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© 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002 Andy Kerr and Nathan Eady. All rights reserved. Last updated December 28, 2003

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