PB2K: Uses 801-900

Uses 801-900

Be afraid of it. Be very afraid of it.
Make a thermometer with it.
Tack some to a supermarket bulletin board.
Use it to "touch up" tan lines.
Have some swaying on the dashboard of your car.
Use some as floor mats.
Keep the sun out of your eyes by smearing some on the windshield.
Show road-raged drivers your peanut butter.
Use it to keep the soles of your shoes from flapping until you can afford a new pair.
Use it to express your opinion of your brother's hand-me-downs.
Dip candy canes in it before putting them on the tree.
Use it to hide the fact that you have braces.
Build a replica of Mount Rushmore. Make it bigger.
Rub it between your toes to prevent athlete's foot.
When someone asks you, "What's your sign?" say, "Peanut butter."
Climb to the top of a volcano. Throw in peanut butter to appease the gods.
Use it to keep the peas from rolling off your knife.
Do textual criticism of peanut butter ads.
Stare at your roommate while eating handfuls of peanut butter and giggling uncontrollably.
Play "Bigger and Better" starting with a jar of peanut butter.
Fill a jar with beans. Use it as a maraca.
Tell the border guards you have a jar of peanut butter.
Declare it when going through customs.
Take it with you to the cafeteria. Use it liberally.
Amazing flat tire sealant.
At a wedding, throw peanut butter. Etiquette demands that you remove it from the jar first, though. Bummer.
Eat it with chopsticks.
Freeze it and put it in your drinks to keep them cold.
Call Domino's. Ask for a peanut butter and pepperoni, pronto.
Use it to stick up the felt characters in Children's Church.
The Country's Best Frozen Peanut Butter.
Conjugate it in Spanish class... Yo peanutbuttero, tu peanutbutteras, el peanutbuttera, nosotros peanutbutteramos, ustedes peanutbutteran, ellos peanutbutteran....
Use it to decline your nouns when taking Latin.
Wrap it up fancy and give it to your mailman at Christmas time.
Rub it on your cheeks to make it harder for old ladies to pinch your cheeks and tell you how big you're getting.
If you ever become Czar, make peanut butter a letter of the alphabet.
Use UNIX to re-map your keyboard to PEANUT instead of QWERTY.
Fill in New York City potholes.
Leave it in the sun, just for fun.
Every first aid kit should include peanut butter.
"Fill 'er up, and check the peanut butter."
Fill in the San Andreas Fault to prevent earthquakes.
Use it when asking for a bathroom break.
Camp out in aisle seven. Offer critiques and reviews of peanut butter brands to passing customers.
Shave your head and pass it out at airports.
Coat a dozen marshmallows with it and stuff them in your mouth. Recite the Gettysburg Address.
Smear a bit on the wall each day if you don't have a calendar.
When the travel agent asks you where you want to go, look earnest and say, "Anywhere there's peanut butter."
Cover up the holes in your sandals so you can wear them year-round.
Put it on pancakes.
Mix your pills into it so that they'll go down easier.
See if it cures leprosy.
Habanero peanut butter.
Ask the registrar if you can CLEP out of any classes because you know so much about peanut butter.
Use it to bulk up so you can become a sumo wrestler.
Put it on mashed potatoes instead of gravy.
When asked to fill in the 50 states, put peanut butter brands in for the ones you don't know.
Send away for your very own "Peanut Butters of the World" collection.
Make your own. Shell the peanuts first.
Make your own, but don't shell the peanuts. Market it as "super crunchy" or perhaps "extra fiber."
Find out what hydrogenated soybean oil really is.
Give your students spelling words from the ingredients list on a peanut butter jar. Tell them to use it in a sentence.
Get a stop-motion camera and animate it. "The Blob" is a suitable plot for beginners.
Write your Ph.D. thesis on the thermodynamics of peanut butter.
Form a group. Call yourselves The Wheeitologists. Discuss peanut butter at length. (Wait, that's been done...)
Coat the bottom of your car with it so that the road salt won't cause corrosion.
Buy stock in peanut butter companies.
grease yourself with it so that you can slip through narrow openings and escape from prison. (It HAS been done.)
Put it in a vacuum chamber. take bets on whether it will leak or explode.
Paint it on the posts and lintel of your door. Hastily eat peanut butter sandwiches with bitter herbs while nervously watching your firstborn son.
Smother smoke detectors with it so that you can burn things in peace and quiet.
Gild the pages of your favorite books with it.
"Open an account with us, get a free jar of peanut butter!"
Put a photograph of yourself and a few poems into a clean jar and bury it as a time capsule.
Smoke it in the boy's room.
Use it in a slingshot. Aim for people's backsides.
Add dark chocolate to it. Market it as "Ebony Creme."
Make peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Pretend you're Elvis.
At an interview, offer your prospective employer a peanut butter sandwich.
Re-grout the bathtub.
Hold it hostage.
Sew it.
Use it to make a roadway on your popsicle stick bridge.
Use it to create landscapes for your HO scale model trains.
Volunteer to be "Peanut Butter Man" at your local mall.
If asked to play Santa, convince all the kids that they want peanut butter instead.
Use it as fillings instead of going to the dentist.
Wax bowling lanes with it for "better spin."
Use it to clean out the coffeemaker at work.
Write a conspiracy theory about evil henchmen trying to adulterate the world's peanut butter supply.
Play beach volleyball in it if you don't have a beach nearby.
Fill Ziploc bags with it to make great contour pillows.
Wind chimes.
Drop globs of it onto the stove to see if it's hot yet.
Look it up in the phone book.
Heat treat it. See if it's more durable.
Put a glop of it on your side table. Use it as an ashtray.
Refinish the side table with it after you quit smoking.
Download it off the web.
Trade it on IRC f-serves.

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